Teddy is in the living room making a video diary for Charlie.
TEDDY (into camera)
Hi, Charlie. It's Teddy here. So, right now, you're nine months old, and everything is going great. Well, almost everything. Now, what I'm about to show you is kind of disturbing. So brace yourself.
Teddy steps through into the kitchen with the video camera and Gabe walks past. PJ is sitting at the table with his headphones over his ears. Teddy pans in closer to Amy and Bob, the parents of the house, who are at the kitchen bench making sandwiches and talking like babies.
AMY (baby talk, holding a plate of sandwiches)
Hmm, these sandwiches will be yummy-wummy.
BOB (baby talk)
Yes they will, yes they will.
Teddy turns the camera onto her again.
TEDDY (into camera)
Mom and dad have been talking like that ever since you arrived, and if it's not over soon (waves a finger around her head), I'm gunna' go queasy-weasy.
Teddy closes the video camera and puts it down on the bench. Over at the table, Gabe is yelling at PJ.
GABE (shouting)
PJ!
PJ (shouting)
What?!?!
GABE (shouting)
What are you listening to?!
PJ takes off one headphone so he can hear.
PJ
I downloaded a podcast on the history of ballet.
GABE
You like that?
PJ
More than baby talk.
Over at the bench, Amy is handing Bob a box of fish chips.
AMY (baby talk)
Would you like some fishy-wishies with your (???).
BOB (baby talk)
I would, yes I would.
Teddy is in front of them at the bench and points at the baby pram which is empty.
TEDDY
You guys, Charlie isn't even here.
AMY (baby talk)
No, little baby take a nappy-wappy upst'wairs.
TEDDY
So why are you guys still talking like that?
BOB (baby talk, leaning down, seriously)
I don't r'weally know.
AMY
I guess we're just kinda' fried.
BOB (laughing slightly)
We work all day, take care of the baby all night. Work-shift, baby-shift. I barely got time to make "do-do''.
TEDDY
Well, when was the last time you guys had a night out? You know, like-like just the two of you. Like a date!
Amy and Bob turn and look at each other seriously for a second but then burst out laughing.
BOB (to Amy, through laughter)
Teddy made us funny. Hahahahahaha.
AMY (to Teddy, baby talk)
Funny-wunny.
TEDDY (with determination)
No, but seriously. You know what? Saturday night. You two. You go out, you have fun, and do something besides work, take care of the baby, and... make "do-do".
Teddy walks over and joins the boys at the table.
AMY (going to the fridge)
Well, it's nice to dream, but who's gonna' take care of Charlie?
Teddy leans in between Gabe and PJ and puts her arm around them.
TEDDY
Hello? You've got three great babysitters here.
PJ (shouting, to Gabe)
I'm glad I didn't hear that!
Amy and Bob stand in front of the kids.
AMY
I dunno', Teddy, it's a really nice thought, but we're not ready to go out without Charlie just yet.
GABE (changing the subject)
You guys wanna' see a magic trick?
AMY
Sure!
BOB
Okay.
GABE (magician-like voice, rubbing his hands together)
Prepare to be amazed.
Amy and Bob pull faces as though they are captivated. Gabe waits a second and then pulls the sheet on the table from beneath the plates and glasses and everything goes smashing everywhere.
AMY
I could use a night out.
Amy walks off.
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
Teddy is walking Amy and Bob to the door as they get ready to go out. She is holding Charlie.
TEDDY
Alright. So you guys have fun. Stay out as late as you want. (pause) But not TOO much fun, we have enough kids already.
Bob laughs. Amy pats Charlie goodbye and walks to the door.
TEDDY [CONT'D; to BOB]
I'm serious.
AMY
Okay, everyone. Be good, have fun. Love you.
Amy walks out the door. PJ and Gabe are on the couch watching a laptop.
PJ/GABE (uninterested)
Yeah, yeah...
BOB
Hey Teddy, thanks for doing this. It's going to be good for your mother and I have to have some special time together.
AMY (VO)
(calling from outside) BOB! MOVE YOUR BUTT!
BOB (calling back)
I'm comin'!
Bob moves outside. Teddy walks over to the couch, still nursing Charlie, to talk to the boys.
TEDDY
Okay, so. If we divide it up evenly, we all get to spend an hour with Charlie. (happily) Who wants to go first?
GABE
I think you should go first.
PJ
And second and third, since this was your idea.
TEDDY (distressed)
Hey, I'm not doing this all by myself! You guys have to help out.
PJ (standing, with a sigh)
Fine. I'll go fourth.
TEDDY
There is no fourth.
PJ (with an accent)
I meant, "I shall go forth to the park to shooteth some hoop."
PJ goes to walk out, and Teddy pulls him back by his hoodie.
TEDDY
If you want to go to the park so badly, then why don't you just take Charlie?
PJ
Well what's a baby supposed to do at a park?
Teddy passes Charlie into PJ's arms.
TEDDY
Babies love parks. You can show her the duck pond...the blue sky...the clouds...
PJ (complaining)
We're just going to look at stuff? That's what TV is for!
Teddy points at PJ as if to encourage his departure.
***
At the park, Charlie is lying in her stroller to the side of the sea-saw area. PJ is having a good old time on a blue one person sea-saw that he is far too big for. A young boy is waiting in line to have a go and is looking impatiently at PJ as he swings back and forth shouting with enjoyment.
PJ (swinging on the ride)
YEAH-HHHAA! Alright!! This is great! Weeehhhh!!! Yess!!! WHOA!!! (to the boy staring at him) What are you looking at?! I was here first. (pointing to the ride behind) Hey, you can ride that duck. I-I couldn't ride the duck. I'd look silly on the duck. (the boy just continues to stare at him) FINE. (PJ gives in and gets off the ride. He goes over to the stroller and leans down to Charlie's level, talking with enthusiasm) Hey there, Charlie! Are we having fun yet? Alright...
PJ puts the sun pullover up and continues walking through the park. An older, larger-sized man walks through the park towards PJ. He is wearing a purple suit and a cape, dressed like a superhero. He leans on a post, short of breath.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (to PJ)
Hey. You seen a-a... kids birthday party around here anywhere? I'm the entertainment.
PJ (pointing behind)
I saw a bounce-house on the other end of the park.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Bouncy-house, eh? Great, another trip to the ER.
Captain Stretchy starts to walk off, PJ turns and follows him a bit.
PJ
Who are you supposed to be, anyway? Plastic-man? Rubber-man?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Oh, those are all registered trademarks. (proudly) I'm Captain Stretchy. (pointing to the middle of his suit) Ah, there used to be a C.S. here, but it ah... it came off in the wash.
PJ
So what's your super power?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Super elasticity. (notices something on the ground) Hey, look, there's a quarter! (goes to lean over but finds it difficult to stretch down) Oh!...Ah, forget it. Not like it's a dollar, right?
Captain Stretchy walks off. PJ turns to walk away with the stroller and notices a beautiful young lady coming his way, with the exact same stroller. His face lights up as he is automatically attracted to her, she smiles at him in return. PJ does a loop around her, bumping into a post, until he is at her side.
PJ (brightly)
Hi.
EMMA
Hi.
PJ
I, ah... I like your taste in strollers.
EMMA (chuckles)
He he... thanks, you too. (looking at Charlie, soft voice) Oh, wow! That baby is so cute.
PJ
You two. (Emma looks stunned) Oh, I mean... YOURS too.
EMMA
I'm Emma.
PJ
I'm PJ. (pointing at Emma's stroller) Who's this little guy?
EMMA (proudly; pulling the sun-cover)
My brother. We're just out for our stroll. We do this every day.
PJ (trying to impress)
Us two. Like I always say, babies love parks. (pause... points towards the park chairs) Would you like to sit for a bit?
EMMA
Sure. (the two of them push their strollers over to the chairs as they sit) So, I saw you talking to Captain Stretchy earlier.
PJ
Oh, yeah. He was lost. Not much of a superhero, right?
EMMA
Oh, he's the worst. We hired him for my brother's birthday party, and he sat on the cake.
PJ
That sounds awful.
EMMA
Oh, it gets worse. The candles were lit, so he sat in the punch.
PJ
That is so weird. I mean, he looks like such a quality entertainer.
The two of them chuckle
EMMA
You know, PJ, I'm really impressed that you take your sister to the park. My brothers would never do anything like that.
PJ
Well, I hope not. (pause) She is my sister.
Emma and PJ chuckle again.
***
Back home at the house, Teddy is sitting on the couch and Gabe is standing in front of her wearing a magician's hat.
GABE
Now, watch closely. In this hand, I have a quarter. (shows the coin) And in the other hand, an ordinary egg. (shows the egg in the other hand... takes off his hat and places them both inside) Now, I put them both inside this hat... spin them around a little... (does so)... and PRESTO.
PJ tips the hat upside down... and both items fall out. The egg cracks open on the coffee table, protected by a piece of newspaper.
TEDDY
Just out of curiosity, what was supposed to happen?
There is an awkward staring moment between the two siblings. The quiet is broken as the front door bursts open and PJ comes walking through with an energetic persona, pram in front of him.
PJ (enthused)
I love this baby! Any time she wants to go to the park, sign me up.
TEDDY (walking over)
What happened to you?
PJ shuts the front door, and Gabe lies comfortably on the couch.
PJ
Let's just say... Charlie made a friend, PJ made a friend.
Teddy goes to look at Charlie but smells something...
TEDDY
Oh, and did either you or your friend bother to change a diaper?
Teddy takes the stroller and walks around the lounge.
PJ
There was no time for that. I was too busy talking to Emma. (sits down on the couch beside Gabe)
GABE
Who's Emma?
PJ (dreamily)
A vision... an Angel... the girl who has moved into my heart.
GABE (cheekily)
Did you tell her about the vacancy in your brain?
PJ looks slightly offended.
TEDDY (panicked, looking in the stroller)
PJ...
PJ
What?
TEDDY
You brought home the wrong baby!!
PJ (trying to laugh it off)
What? I did not... !
Gabe and PJ walk over to the stroller and are stunned as they notice the authenticity of Teddy's previous statement... PJ did bring home the wrong baby!
TEDDY (removing the diaper)
Take a look... wrong parts!
As the three look inside the stroller, a big spray of urine comes out as if it was aimed directly for them. They dodge it, only just.
GABE
There's nothing wrong with those parts!
Gabe goes back to the couch... PJ and Teddy remain standing in shock as they come to terms with what has just happened...
***
TEDDY (frustrated)
How could you bring home the wrong baby?!
PJ
I'm sorry, I got a little distracted...(grinning)...Emma is REALLY cute.
TEDDY
Yeah? Well, so was our sister. (walking towards the door with the stroller) Come on, let's go to the park and find her.
PJ
Relax! I got her number.
TEDDY
Well, then what are you waiting for? Call her!
PJ goes to get his phone from his pocket... but hesitates... then sits down on the couch.
PJ (unsure)
Wait a minute...is it too soon? If I call now, she'll think I'm desperate.
TEDDY
Oh, you ARE desperate.
PJ
Good point. (PJ gets to his feet and dials up Emma's number, raising the phone to his ears as he talks...) Hello...? Is Emma there? (pause) This is a Chinese restaurant? (Teddy rolls her eyes) Sure, I'll hear the specials!
Teddy, annoyed, hangs up the phone.
TEDDY (let down)
She gave you the wrong number.
Gabe is still alert to the situation around him, but is sitting on the couch reading through a comic book.
GABE (sarcastically)
Who couldn't see that one coming?
PJ(disappointed)
But... I gave her gum... and helped her change a poopey diaper... it was so romantic.
TEDDY
Well... what do we do now?
Teddy's mobile starts ringing. She goes over and looks put off as she inspects the caller ID...
TEDDY
Oh no...(answers phone, with nervous enthusiasm) Hi Mom, what up? ...Yeah, everything's going great. Why wouldn't it be? We're...we're just having a grand old time here with...(tries to figure out the name of the baby in the stroller, but PJ shrugs)... baby. Yeah, sure you can talk to him... HER, HER! (holding the phone down to the stroller) Talk to Mommy... (realizes she must make something up, starts making baby-monkey noises) ...Well, what do you mean that didn't sound like Charlie? What, you think I'm just making baby noises into the phone? Mom, that's crazy. Alright, bye... say bye Charlie! (makes distant baby noises and fades it off as she hangs up the phone) Ahh...
PJ
Not that I'm in the position to criticize, but I was getting more monkey.
Teddy decides to start taking action to solve the problem and reaches for the stroller.
TEDDY
Come on, let's go to the park.
GABE
And meet the girl who blew off PJ? (stands) I'm there.
The three of them head out the door. PJ looks annoyed at Gabe.
***
Teddy comes walking into the park, panicked, and pushing the stroller in front. PJ and Gabe are coming in behind her.
PJ (looking around)
I don't see her.
TEDDY
PJ, what did she look like?
PJ
She was hot, but what does it matter?
GABE
Maybe we should call someone...who do you call when you switch a baby?
PJ
Captain Stretchy!
PJ excitedly points over to the other entrance of the park, where Captain Stretchy is still hanging out.
TEDDY
Who is that?
PJ runs over to Captain Stretchy. He seems enthused.
PJ
You're still here?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Every Saturday and Sunday, all day long. Stay in school, kids.
Captain Stretchy leans over to the bubbler and gets a drink. By now, Gabe and Teddy with the stroller are behind him.
PJ
Just the guy we needed to see. I-I think you can help us.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Hey, kid, I'm just an entertainer. I can't get Mommy and Daddy back together.
Captain Stretchy starts to walk off. The kids follow him.
PJ
No, you don't understand. I was talking to a girl here earlier, and she said that you worked a party for her brother.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
So? I've worked lots of parties.
PJ
Where was the party where you sat on the cake?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
You got three hours?
TEDDY (despairingly)
This is really important. We need to find her.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (as though he is plotting something)
Interesting situation. You kids need info, and I...need a murdle. (places hands across his stomach)
TEDDY
What is a murdle?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
It's a man gurtle. And they ain't cheap.
TEDDY (referring to Captain Stretchy's clothing)
Yeah, and neither is dry-cleaning, apparently.
PJ
Name's Emma. Did she come back to the park?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Well...(rubs his fingers together as though looking for money)...maybe she did, and maybe she didn't.
PJ (frustrated)
Stop rubbing your fingers together and answer my question!
GABE
He wants a bribe.
PJ mutters under his breath as he reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet, passing Captain Stretchy a note.
PJ
Here.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Here's what I know: her name is Emma.
PJ
I just told you that!
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
I didn't say the information was fresh. (on PJ's disgruntled look) Yeah...yeah, I know the girl. She-she comes from a big family, seven/eight kids...for them, I've been uh...Astronaut Pete, ah...Cowboy Bob...ah...
GABE
Magic Marve?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (hopeful)
Yeah! You're familiar with my work?
GABE (almost as if he is going to give a compliment)
Yeah!...and it stinks. (pause) I'm just starting off and I'm a better magician than you are.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Oh, yeah? You think this is easy, huh? (hands Gabe an unblown balloon) Here, turn that into a schnauzer. (Gabe just stares blankly at the balloon) You can't do it, ah? Ha ha ha...maybe it's because you don't have the (shouts) CHOPS!
Gabe eyes off Captain Stretchy as he walks away.
TEDDY
Look, Stretchy, do you know where she lives?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Yeah, 'round here somewhere. I'd know it if I saw it.
TEDDY (smiling)
Great! You help us tonight, and we'll get you into that murdle tomorrow. (pause) Oh, wait, you understand...we're not going to put you INTO it...that you have to do by yourself.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Yeah, I get it.
TEDDY
All right. Come on guys, we have to go find her.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Okay. Captain Stretchy, AWAY!! (points his arms up towards the sky like a superhero and turns left)
PJ (pointing right ahead)
Truck's this way.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Oh, right...
Embarrassed, Captain Stretchy turns around and follows the kids out of the park.
***
Amy and Bob are sitting a table in a restaurant, looking at the menu.
BOB (proudly)
Order whatever you want, honey. I get a discount here. This place is one of my best customers.
AMY
Not what you want to hear from an exterminator.
Across from where Amy and Bob are sitting, is a family that has a stroller next to their table. The baby inside starts crying.
AMY [CONT'D]
Awwahh, look at that.
BOB (misunderstanding)
Oh, the heaters...
AMY
Not that. The baby...it's a little baby in a stroller just like ours.
And not only is it the same stroller...it's Emma's family. Charlie is inside the stroller.
BOB
Okay, honey, this is supposed to be a night away from the baby, so let's come back.
AMY (calmly)
Okay. I'm back, I'm back! (gets up) I'm just gonna' run to the ladies room.
BOB
Oh! Hey, listen. While you're in there, could you chuck the traps?
Amy rolls her eyes and continues on. As she passes Emma's family, she looks inside the stroller, smiles and continues past...but then notices that the baby inside the stroller is surprisingly familiar...so she turns back and takes another look. Emma's family looks at her. She stares back.
AMY (waving; awkwardly)
Olah. (smiles...pause) Adios. (walks angrily and briskly over to her table again, tapping Bob on the back, speaks in a hushed, agitated tone) Bob! Would you go over there and look at that baby? I think it's Charlie!
BOB (in disbelief)
What?!
AMY (distressed)
You heard me! That is Charlie!
BOB
Sweetheart, would you sit down?
AMY (agitated)
I will NOT sit down. A mother knows her baby, and that is MY baby.
BOB (laughs nervously)
Okay, honey...seriously, what do you think happened here? In the last hour, somebody went over to our house, borrowed our baby, then brought her out for chips and guac?
AMY
I don't know. It's a big family...maybe that's how they get their babies!
BOB
Sweetheart, please...I think you're just missing Charlie. And you're having a little separation anxiety.
Amy finally comes to her senses. She calms down in her manner, brushes her hair away from her face.
AMY (relaxed)
Oh, okay...you're...(high pitched, pointing into her head) "Crazy, crazy".
The two of them chuckle as she sits down again.
AMY (through laughter)
I mean, that is impossible, right?
BOB
Exactly.
Pause.
AMY
I'm just gonna' go to the ladies room one more time...(stands)
BOB
Sit down.
Amy sits down again.
BOB
Now let's enjoy the rest of our night out, at this very lovely restaurant. Okay?
AMY (nodding)
Okay.
A waiter from the restaurant comes over and whispers something in Bob's ear, while Amy is distracted eating something from the entrée. Bob dismisses the waiter.
BOB (to Amy)
I'm needed in the kitchen.
Bob gets a glass and jumps up from the table. He runs away into the kitchen. After he is gone, Amy puts down the chip in her hand with a disgusted facial expression.
***
Out on the streets, PJ is driving the kids and Captain Stretchy around. They are looking around, calling out for Charlie. Teddy and PJ are in the front, Gabe in the back with Captain Stretchy.
TEDDY(calling out the window)
Charlie?
PJ (calling out the window also)
Emma?
TEDDY
Charlie?
PJ
Emma?
GABE
Marco?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Polo!
TEDDY (angry)
Gabe, not helping! Stretchy, does any of this look familiar? (points out the window)
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Maybe it does...maybe it doesn't.
TEDDY (angry)
You are not getting any more money.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
No, I mean I have night blindness and all...all I'm seeing is shapes.
TEDDY
Why didn't you mention that earlier?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
I needed a ride home. Stop here. (PJ stops the car) Oh great, mom's up...maybe I'll just hang with you kids.
TEDDY (flustered)
Captain Stretchy, away! (points out the car)
Captain Stretchy takes off his seatbelt and gets out of the car.
PJ
Night, Stretchy.
GABE
Night, Stretchy.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Goodnight. (closes the door and walks ahead out of sight)
GABE
...Now what?
PJ
Well, we didn't hit the streets on the north end of the park?
TEDDY
Yeah, but we can't just keep driving around all night. Okay? It's over. We have to tell mom and dad.
PJ
But...
TEDDY (interrupting)
No, it'll be okay. They'll know what to do. They always do.
PJ looks ashamed of himself, downer in facial expression.
PJ
How am I gonna tell them I lost our baby sister? (pause) I'm the oldest...they're not going to think I'm the most responsible.
TEDDY
PJ, if it makes you feel any better...nobody thinks that.
PJ (takes a deep breath)
Why do I always mess everything up?
TEDDY (trying to comfort PJ)
You know what? This could have happened to any of us. (pause) All right, probably, most likely you, but...for this one, we're all in it together.
PJ (cheered a little)
Thanks.
Gabe has picked up a little card from the back.
GABE
Hey, look. Captain Stretchy dropped his driver's licence. (laughs, after reading it) One hundred and seventy five pounds my butt!
Gabe chucks it out the window.
***
Back at the restaurant, Amy and Bob now have their meals. There is a band of three people playing Mexican music with instruments, standing right next to their table. Bob 'bobbles' his head to the beat, as he seems to enjoy it...Amy, on the other hand, is sitting there with her arm on her forehead as though she is nursing a headache. They finish after a few seconds more and Amy claps them off, happy as they walk away to the next table. Not long after, Teddy, PJ and Gabe (Teddy with the stroller) enter into the restaurant from around the corner.
PJ (pointing at Amy and Bob)
There they are.
TEDDY
All right, let’s get this over with.
PJ
Do-do you think it would be better or worse if we had the (points to the band) (??) deliver the news?
TEDDY
Well, if it's Spanish, probably better...
As the band walks away from the table...PJ notices straight away that it is Emma's family sitting there. PJ stops Teddy from walking over to their parents.
PJ
Wait, wait! I don't believe it. (pointing) That's Emma!
TEDDY (hopeful)
Oh, wait, so that's Charlie?
PJ
Yes! We're saved!
GABE (pointing)
Not quite.
PJ and Teddy have seem to forgotten one thing...the parents. Amy and Bob are waving at them. Amy has an enthusiastic smile on her face.
AMY
Hey, kids!
The three of them wave back with uncomfortable smiles.
PJ
What now?
TEDDY
Ah...I'll let you know when I think of it. (walks over to Amy and Bob's table) Mom, dad...hi.
AMY
Hi!
BOB
What are you doing here?
TEDDY
Well, we just realized you must be missing Charlie, so we... brought her. (points behind)
AMY
Oh, Teddy. You're not fooling me.
TEDDY (alarmingly)
I'm not?!
AMY
Nope. You've spent a little too much time with Charlie, and you're ready to hand her over early.
TEDDY
Well, I...I wouldn't say too much time.
AMY
Well, I am ready too. So let me at her! Gimme, gimme, gimme...
Amy stands and heads for the stroller at the door, but Teddy stops her.
TEDDY
Mom! Mom! You're on a date. (sits Amy back down) Let me bring her to you.
AMY
Okay...
Teddy runs back over to the entrance where PJ and Gabe are. Teddy leans over and whispers something in Gabe's ear.
GABE
Here? (Teddy whispers again) Wait...now? Well, all right...
Gabe walks over to Amy and Bob's table.
GABE
Hey mom!
AMY
Hey, baby.
GABE
Hey, dad.
BOB
Hey.
GABE
Something I want to show you.
AMY
What is it, honey?
Gabe is going to do his magic trick again. He reaches for the table cloth underneath all their food and pulls it out, food goes flying all over their faces...everything happens in slow motion...
BOB
No!
But it's too late. As this distracts Amy and Bob, Teddy picks up the boy inside Charlie's stroller as Emma also seizes the opportunity and takes Charlie from her brother's stroller...Teddy runs over, almost bumping into the band, and twirls around as she and Emma swap babies. Teddy runs back to Charlie's pram and places their sister right where she should be. PJ waves down his arm with a triumphant grin. They put the cover down and Teddy stands up, flicking her hair back. Amy and Bob are still completely oblivious. Normal-motion resumes as Amy looks angrily at Gabe, she has guacamole all down her neck. Gabe tries to look innocent.
GABE
And now for my next trick...I'm gonna make a boy disappear!
Gabe runs away quicker than ever and out the door. PJ walks over and meets Emma, who has stood up.
PJ
You know, you should be ashamed of yourself. You lead a guy on, make him think you have a connection... and you give him a fake phone number. (holds out his phone)
EMMA (looking at the screen)
You put it in wrong. That 3 is supposed to be a 2.
PJ looks embarrassed.
PJ
Oh...my bad. (awkward pause) So...want to get a table?
Emma looks disappointed and walks off. PJ follows after her. Over at Amy and Bob's table, Teddy is handing Charlie over to Amy.
AMY
My widdle baby...(in a baby voice, to Charlie) Did you miss your mommy and daddy?
BOB (to Charlie, in a baby voice)
Yes you did, yes you did.
Teddy is smiling away, probably unable to believe they pulled everything off that they did.
TEDDY
Oh...never thought I'd be so happy to hear baby talk.
Amy notices she is holding a dummy that is not Charlie's.
AMY
Teddy, this isn't Charlie's binky. Where did you get this?
TEDDY
Oh, that's actually a funny story. You see, what happened was...
Teddy starts clicking behind herself in a violent rush in hope of getting the band to start playing again. They get the signal and do so...
TEDDY (shrugging)
Too loud! Tell you later.
Amy thinks nothing more of it and takes a finger lick of the guacamole on her neck. She shrugs to Bob as if to say, "oh, not to bad".
***
Back at the Duncan Residence, during the night. Teddy is filming a video diary and is shooting footage of Charlie in a toy seat cradle. She is wearing a napkin that says, "DR POOPER".
TEDDY (VO)
Yeahhh... Well, Charlie, now you're home – safe and sound, and everything turned out okay. For you. (clears throat and turns the camera around so it shows her face, she is sitting on the sofa) It would've been okay for us too, but...when we got home, Mom started asking all these questions...and no one really had an answer to the pee stains in the living room.
Amy comes into view of the video diary recording, as she sits beside Teddy.
AMY (gracefully, almost)
And that's when the truth came out. (smiles) And all the kids got into trouble. So, the lesson is, if you ever try to pull anything over on Mom...good luck Charlie.
Amy stands and walks off, leaving Teddy. Pause.
TEDDY (tuffs)
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Teddy switches off the video recorder.
***
Another day in the park, Captain Stretchy is sitting on a park bench and Gabe is in front of him, with a magician's hat. He is holding a coin and an egg.
GABE
In this hand, I have a quarter...(waves the coin in Captain Stretchy's face, he tries to grab it but Gabe pulls it away) And in the other hand, an ordinary egg...(the same thing happens, takes off his hat) Now, I put them in this hat...(does so) Spin them around... and... Presto. (takes just the egg from the hat and puts the hat back on) Now hold out your hand.
Captain Stretchy holds out his hand. Gabe cracks open the egg on Stretchy's forehead (no yolk or egg comes out). He puts the shell on Captain Stretchy's hand and a quarter is there.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (inspecting the coin)
Wow...ah, that's a great trick! How did you do that?
GABE (pacing back and forth diabolically)
Interesting situation. It seems you need information, meanwhile...I need a new video game. (rubs his hands together as though wanting money...Stretchy reaches to his side and gives Gabe a note. He walks off grinning...) What a chump.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Who are you calling a 'chump'? Come back here!
Captain Stretchy gets up from his seat and follows after Gabe.
***
Good Luck Charlie © Walt Disney. No infringement of copyright is intended through the reproduction of this transcript, originally written by Dan Staley.
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