It is breakfast time at the Duncan household, and everyone is in a tired, grumpy mood because the neighbour's dog has been barking all night (it can still be heard). Amy is sitting at the table feeding Charlie, who is sitting in her highchair. Amy's hair is all ruffled and messed up. Gabe is in the kitchen playing around with the toaster and PJ is sitting at the table with his cereal box. Teddy is walking around with the camcorder, making a video diary. She too is tired.
TEDDY (yawning)
Hey, Charlie. It's your big sister Teddy with the latest instalment of my video diary.
AMY (frustrated)
Teddy, turn that thing off. It's breakfast time.
TEDDY (snappy)
In a minute! (sits down) That noise you hear is our neighbours annoying new dog. Ever since she got that little rat none of us have gotten any sleep.
AMY
Teddy, I asked you to do something.
TEDDY
And I asked for a minute!
AMY (standing, angry)
Your breakfast is getting cold. (walks into kitchen)
TEDDY (angry)
Well, then, just put it back in the toaster! (turns back to the camcorder, embarrassed) Sorry you had to see that.
Teddy closes the camcorder and swings around on her chair. PJ is tipping the cereal box inside out searching for a prize.
PJ (annoyed)
There is no prize in here! (to Teddy) There's supposed to be a prize!
TEDDY
You took it out yesterday.
PJ
I know, but I put it back in so I'd have something to look forward too.
Amy walks back over to the table as PJ gets up. She has Charlie's cereal.
AMY (calling out)
Bob, where are you?
BOB (VO)
Can I have a minute?!!!
AMY (hostile as she puts the cereal in Charlie's bowl)
Well HURRY UP! YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON QUALITY FAMILY TIME!!!
Amy walks back into the kitchen. Gabe is hitting the toaster with a wooden spoon.
AMY
Gabe, stop hitting the toaster.
GABE
But it's taking forever. I don't even remember what I put in here.
Back over at the table, Charlie is giggling and playing with her princess cup.
AMY (pretending to be calm and happy)
Okay, Charlie, I will get you your juice in just a minute, honey.
Unexpectedly, Charlie screams and violently chucks her cup over towards Amy. It rebounds off the wall and falls to the ground.
TEDDY
Wow. Even Charlie's in a mood.
The father of the house, Bob, comes out to the kitchen and goes straight to open the fridge.
BOB (disgruntled)
'Mornin'.
AMY (as she goes to the table again)
Bob, did you forget to do something?
BOB
I'll kiss you tonight. (gets the juice out and closes the fridge)
AMY
No. You only shaved half your face.
BOB (fully turns to Amy)
Pick, pick, pick. Maybe this is how I like to wear it now.
AMY (frustrated)
Well, it looks ridiculous. What if I decided just to brush half my hair?!
BOB
I thought you already made that decision.
This ticks Amy off and she uprises, going for Bob straight away.
AMY
Oh, you are going down!
Amy charges for Bob, who backs off as PJ pulls back his mother.
TEDDY
Wow, wow, wow! Stop. Stop. Do you guys hear that?
PJ
I don't hear anything.
TEDDY
Exactly. (pause) The barking stopped!
They all breathe sighs of relief. Gabe is standing by the toaster still and his toaster finally pops up, with a 'ping'. But then all of a sudden the barking starts all over again...
FAMILY (annoyed)
Oh, Gabe?! Really!
They all start yelling grievances at Gabe.
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
A little bit later, Amy has put Charlie back to sleep and walks into the kitchen again. The dog is still barking.
AMY
Well at least Charlie's getting some sleep.
PJ
Why did Mrs Dabney have to get that stupid dog anyway? Why couldn't she have got something that made less noise? Like a fish?
TEDDY (matter-of-factly)
Fish don't make any noise.
PJ
I wish you were a fish.
PJ gets up from the table and walks away.
BOB
Can we all agree that thing is a pest? Because as an exterminator, it is my job to take care of pests.
Gabe is at the bench making his toast still.
GABE
When you say "take care of", I know you actually mean kill. (almost sarcastic) Which I am totally fine with, by the way.
BOB
I'll just go over to Mrs Dabney's and demand she keep the dog in at night.
AMY
Or, we could just try being friendly.
PJ sits down at the table again.
PJ
Friendly? With Mrs Dabney?
The family starts laughing at her idea.
TEDDY
What is this crazy idea?
AMY (ashamed)
Look, I am serious. How about I invite her over tonight for a cup of coffee and I bake a pie?
TEDDY
I thought you wanted this to go well.
BOB (with reluctance in tone)
Okay, we'll have Mrs Dabney over. But I want everyone on their best behaviour. (pointing at Gabe) Especially you, mister.
GABE
I don't think I have a best behaviour.
BOB
Yeah? Well you better find one before tonight.
AMY (as she goes to the phone)
In her defence, Mrs Dabney wasn't always like this. She actually used to be kinda' nice.
GABE (confused)
When was that?
AMY
Let's see, how old are you...?
***
The Duncan family are sitting in the lounge room in the evening with Mrs Dabney. Charlie is in her highchair. They all have a plate of pie.
MRS DABNEY
All right, I've got my pie. What do you want?
AMY
We don't want anything, Mrs Dabney.
TEDDY (with a smile)
Yeah, we're just being neighbourly.
MRS DABNEY (accusingly, at Gabe)
What did he do?
GABE (defensively, with a shrug)
I didn't do anything!
MRS DABNEY (hostile)
I don't like you, Gabe.
GABE (calmly, putting his pie down)
Well, I like you Ms. Dabney. In fact, I'd like to "take care of you".
Mrs Dabney realizes Gabe's play on words and gives him a dark face with narrow eyes.
BOB (pointing at Gabe)
Out.
Gabe rolls his eyes and slowly walks out of the room, through to the kitchen.
AMY (politely)
Mrs Dabney. So you have a new dog? A little Chihuahua?
MRS DABNEY (realizing)
So that's what this is about?
PJ
It's not not what this is about.
MRS DABNEY
Dog's got a name: Hercules.
Teddy starts laughing and accidently snorts.
TEDDY (through laughter, with a smile)
That's funny, because, you know, "Hercules" is like so big, and strong, and your dog is so... so... (Mrs Dabney gives her a look of displeasure) ...just being neighbourly.
BOB (to Mrs Dabney)
Look, the thing is, Hercules has a tendency to bark... a lot. All night long.
AMY
So we were wondering if maybe you could bring him in before bed time.
MRS DABNEY
I 'dunno. Fresh air's good for dogs.
BOB (trying to be funny)
Well, sleep is good for people.
Bob looks over at Teddy and laughs with her. Mrs Dabney fake laughs but then speaks the truth:
MRS DABNEY (seriously)
I had that same thought after every one of your many babies arrived.
Amy looks around the room awkwardly.
BOB
We were talking about the dog.
MRS DABNEY
Well, since we're airing our grievances...
TEDDY (interrupting; pointing at Mrs Dabney's plate)
We begged her not to make that pie.
MRS DABNEY
I was gunna' say, that maybe there's a little something you can do for me.
AMY
Oh, Mrs Dabney, we've already told you. We're not sending Gabe to military school.
BOB
But if it's a deal breaker, we are willing to send him to other places.
Mrs Dabney walks over to the window.
MRS DABNEY
I was talking about your oak-tree out back. There's a branch that hangs over my yard, always dropping egg-corns and making a big mess.
BOB (standing, accomplished)
No problem! Dog goes in, branch comes off. (holding out his hand for Mrs Dabney to shake) We got a deal?
Mrs Dabney is hesitant before she shakes Bob's hand.
MRS DABNEY
We have a deal.
CHARLIE (protesting from her seat)
But, Dad, that branch holds our tree house!
BOB
So what? You kids haven't been up there in years.
PJ
I'm confused. Is Gabe going somewhere or not?
Everyone looks at PJ like he's an alien.
MRS DABNEY
You know, if that tree house comes down, that'll be even better. More sunlight for my vegetable garden. (talking about herself) Start eating healthier, might even make my goal of living to be a hundred.
PJ spits out a big spray of water from his mouth after hearing Mrs Dabney's goal. Mrs Dabney thinks no more of it and goes towards the door to leave. Amy rushes over to her.
AMY
Mrs Dabney, don't you want to stay and finish your pie?
MRS DABNEY (trying not to offend)
Eh, you have a good night now.
Amy smiles half-heartedly as Mrs Dabney leaves. Gabe walks back in from the kitchen.
GABE
She's gone? (sarcastic disappointment) But I didn't get my hug.
BOB (sitting back down)
Well, at least we'll finally be able to get some sleep.
TEDDY
Too bad we have to loose our tree house.
GABE
We have a tree house?
PJ
Yeah! Teddy and I used to go up there all the time when we were little.
TEDDY (laughing as she remembers)
Yeah, we had so much fun up there.
AMY (feeding Charlie)
Are you kidding me? All you two ever did up there was fight.
PJ
That's now how I remember it. We had great times.
TEDDY
Yeah. I mean, except for, you know, all those times where you fell out the window.
PJ (trying to cover his embarrassment)
Well I enjoyed those too.
GABE
How did I not know we had a tree house?
BOB
Well, 'cause it's kind of overgrown. I built it that summer we went to Hawaii.
Bob stands up and walks away.
GABE (standing and shouting, annoyed)
You guys went to HAWAII?!!!
PJ
Well, yeah! We used to do all kinds of fun stuff.
GABE
When did that stop?
TEDDY (to Gabe)
Wait, how old are you?
Gabe looks offended.
***
Teddy and PJ are up in the tree house looking around at old memories. Teddy has the camera and is recording a video diary for Charlie.
TEDDY (looking around, talking to camera)
Check it out, Charlie. Here's our old tree house. (pointing at the tea-set on the table) Oh, look! Here’s our old tea-party set. (pointing at a board of checkers) And all our old board games... (pointing at a different bench) Oh, wait! And look at this. These are those Chinese handcuffs that PJ always used to get stuck in.
PJ is over in the corner and surely, he has got himself stuck in another set of the Chinese handcuffs. He is trying to release himself but can't.
PJ
Uh, little help?
Teddy turns off the camcorder and places it down as she frees PJ from the handcuffs. As she places them back on the bench she notices an old baby doll and picks it up. It isn't in the best state - it is all dirty and has bandaids on the head.
TEDDY (glad)
Oh, Baby Boo-Boo! Oh my goodness, I thought I lost her. It's been so many years.
PJ (referring to the state of the doll)
And those years have not been kind.
TEDDY (smiling)
Yeah, I remember I used to come up here and pretend Boo-Boo was a real baby. (smiling down at the doll) I was a very good mother, huh?
PJ (matter-of-factly)
Until you left your baby in a tree house for ten years.
Teddy is looking over at the wall and notices something. She drops the doll and runs over.
TEDDY
Oh, wow, look. (looking at the wall) Here's something you carved into the wall. (reading) "PJ hearts PB". (looking at PJ) Who's PB?
PJ (proudly)
Peanut Butter. (Teddy looks weirdly at him, he exhales deeply) Ah, it was a simpler time.
TEDDY (looking around)
You know what stinks?
PJ (thinks Teddy is talking about the peanut butter)
When they pre-mix it with the jelly?
TEDDY
No. It stinks that Charlie is never gonna' get to use this tree house.
PJ
She'd probably love it up here.
Bob is calling the kids down.
BOB (VO)
Kids! Come on down now.
TEDDY (pleadingly)
PJ, we have to save this place for Charlie.
PJ
Well, I wish we could, but Dad made a deal.
TEDDY (trying to think of a reason)
Yeah, well... deals are made to be broken!
PJ (pointing commemoratively)
Right! The golden rule!
Teddy looks confused at how she fooled PJ so easily. Bob calls them again and this time they come to the window.
BOB (VO)
Kids!
As they look out the window, they see that Bob is holding his safety glasses and a chainsaw.
TEDDY (she and PJ are leaning on the window)
Hey, Dad, we changed our minds. We don't want to loose the tree house after all.
BOB
It's too late. I already shook hands on it.
TEDDY
Well, can we at least talk about this?
PJ
Yeah, can we take a family vote?
BOB
This isn't a democracy, guys! And by the way, even if it was (holds up his chainsaw), the guy with the chainsaw ALWAYS wins. (waving them down) Come on. Come on down.
TEDDY (cheekily)
No!
BOB (shocked)
No...?
TEDDY (smirking)
No. We're not leaving.
PJ
Yeah. We're staying right here. (forceful) We're fighting the power!
BOB (pointing at the ground)
Get down here now or you're grounded!
PJ (as though it is obvious)
You can't ground someone who isn't actually on the ground!
TEDDY
Yeah. Right on, PJ. Fight the power!
BOB
You know what? (puts on his safety glasses and holds up the chainsaw) Good like fighting the power saw!
Teddy and PJ look slightly alarmed when Bob pulls the string and the motor of the chainsaw rumbles up.
BOB (with a triumphant smile and tone)
You're coming down one way or another!
TEDDY
No, we are not! Okay?! We have history on our side. WE are going to protest peacefully like Gondi and Martin Luther King. He had a dream.
BOB (despairingly)
Yeah? Well, I got a dream too, Teddy! To get some sleep!
Bob powers up the chainsaw and rumbles even louder.
TEDDY (shouting with a victorious tone)
You're not scaring us!
PJ
No, we laugh at you! Ha ha ha - Ha ha ha!
Bob takes off his glasses and turns the chainsaw down.
BOB
All right, you know what? I'm done messing around! (trying to make them scared) I'm bringing out the big guns. Yeah-ahhhheaaahhhh. That's right. MUM!
Satisfied he has scared them, Bob walks off into the house.
TEDDY (calling after him, not scared)
Hoo-hoo, you go get Mum.
PJ
Yeah, she doesn't scare us! (once Bob is out of ear shot, he looks at Teddy) This is bad, he's getting Mum.
TEDDY
Lock her up!
Frantically, Teddy and PJ close the window on their side so they are shut in.
***
Bob storms inside to the living room where Amy is folding some washing. The back door slams as he enters.
BOB (pointing outside, demanding)
Go out there and get your kids out of that tree.
AMY (non-seriously)
Okay, why are they always my kids when they won’t do what you want?
BOB (angry)
They're having some sort of sit in to save the tree-house. Now, I-I-I appreciate that they're taking a stand, I just don't like that it's against me!
AMY (amused almost)
Would you calm down?
BOB (agitated)
But I'm the father! I'm in charge around here! (on Amy's narrow eyes and face) ...When you're not home.
AMY
Honey, you are getting upset over nothing. This is Teddy and PJ we're talking about. They can't be in the same room for five minutes without getting into a fight. They won't last an hour up there.
BOB (finally agreeing)
All right. (with force) But when they come down, they're getting punished for defying me. (Amy gives him yet more narrow eyes and expression) ...If that's okay with you.
Amy continues folding the washing.
***
Teddy and PJ are sitting in the tree house playing a game of checkers. PJ is starting to get bored and he sits back from the table.
PJ (unenthusiastic)
I'm tired... and cold. How much longer can we keep this up?
TEDDY
We've been up here for twelve minutes.
PJ
If I'd known we were going to protest, I would've prepared. For one thing, I wouldn't have had that extra large root-beer.
TEDDY (assertive)
Let's just stay focused on why we're here. For Charlie.
PJ
That doesn't help. Charlie gets to pee whenever she wants. Which is why my idea--
TEDDY (interrupting)
Okay, please don't tell me about diaper for teens again.
Gabe steps into the tree house from the opening on the floor.
PJ
Hey, Gabe.
TEDDY
Hey.
GABE (looking around)
So, this is the famous tree house I never knew about?
TEDDY
Wanna' join our sit in?
PJ (trying to sound smart)
Just like when Gondi and Billy Jean King teamed up to stop the civil war.
TEDDY (disappointed and amazed)
Wow. Almost every word in that sentence was wrong.
PJ (to Gabe)
Whataya' say, Gabe? Are you in?
GABE (shrugging)
I'm in.
PJ
Great.
TEDDY (claps)
Yeah!
Gabe goes to shut the hatchet from which he came in from.
PJ
Oh, but first you'll need to bring us some supplies. Just the essentials: snacks, my video games, my guitar, cocoa...
TEDDY
Wow. Dude, this is a sit-in, not a move-in.
PJ (looking at Gabe still)
Oh, and some peanut butter! (looking at Teddy) Yeah, that's right. The love affair continues.
GABE (heading back down)
Well, I'll be back.
Gabe closes the hatchet as steps back down.
***
Bob is looking out the window in the lounge room with binoculars, trying to spy on the kids. Gabe walks past carrying things to take up with him to the tree house: food, sleeping bags, and games.
BOB (turning)
What are you doing?
GABE
Oh, I'm gonna' join the sit-in. (proud) I have to do what's right.
BOB
How about I take you out for ice cream instead?
Almost instantly, Gabe realizes he has a better offer and drops everything he is holding with a loud crash as it falls.
GABE (smirking)
I'll be in the car.
Gabe walks outside.
***
Up in the tree house, Teddy and PJ are still sitting around looking even more bored. PJ is shuffling a deck of cards while Teddy sits anxiously next to him.
PJ
What was that crazy card game, we used to play with all the eight's?
TEDDY (obviously)
Crazy eight's?
PJ (as if it doesn't ring a bell)
No...
TEDDY (anxious)
Where is Gabe with the snacks? Now I'm getting hungry.
PJ
So hungry. Keep thinking I smell steak cooking.
Teddy sniffs around a bit and she scents something.
TEDDY
Yeah, me too.
PJ
Really?
Teddy and PJ open up the window and look down. Sure enough, Bob is down there on the ground cooking on the BBQ and making sure he waves the smell up to the tree house in attempt to spite the kids. His apron is blue and says "BIG DADDY". He looks up as he waves the steams up.
BOB (trying to remain calm)
Oh, hey! Don't mind me. Just making dinner for my family. You know, the ones on the ground.
TEDDY (laughing slightly)
Yeah, okay? We know what you're doing and it's not gonna' work.
BOB (teasingly as he cooks)
Well, suit yourself. But I'm making one medium rare. The way someone likes.
PJ (aside to Teddy, tempted)
I like medium rare, he's talking about me.
TEDDY
Stay strong.
BOB
Now I'm gonna be right back. I'm going inside the house to check on my chocolate soufflé.
Bob cackles evilly as he strides back in the house.
PJ (calling after)
Two can play at this game!
PJ turns back into the tree house to fetch something.
TEDDY
Well, yeah, if we had a BBQ and some steaks.
PJ holds up a toy fishing rod.
PJ (sneakily and with a grin)
Catch of the day: T-Bone.
TEDDY
Yes!
They lean over the window again and PJ lowers the line.
PJ
Okay...
TEDDY (looking down)
Oh, no, you'll never get the T-Bone. Go for the (???).
PJ (deep as he looks)
All right. Yeah... (excited) I got it! I got it!
TEDDY
I've never loved you more!
PJ
No...
All of a sudden, PJ looses grip of the fishing rod and drops it down on the BBQ. The mood goes from excitement to disappointment again.
TEDDY
Oh, you idiot!
Bob comes back outside and spots the toy fishing rod cooking on the BBQ. He laughs teasingly.
BOB
Hehehehe. (holding it up) I think somebody overcooked their fishing pole. (Teddy and PJ look slightly embarrassed) This looks more "medium-well".
Bob laughs evilly and places it onto the plate he is holding. PJ sits down on a box in the corner of the tree house.
PJ (frustrated)
I'm so hungry! But there's nothing to eat up here. (holding up an acorn) Or is there...? Acorns! Acorns are food, right?
TEDDY
Ew! For squirrels.
PJ starts trying to bite into the acorn but isn't very successful.
PJ (annoyed)
How do squirrels do this?!
TEDDY
Well there's squirrels.
PJ (giving in)
You know what? I can't take this anymore. I'm done.
PJ leans down to step out of the tree house, but Teddy pulls him back up.
TEDDY
What?! No! You're just giving up? That is so like you.
PJ (insulted)
What is so like me?
TEDDY (flustered)
To be a quitter.
PJ
Oh, yeah? Well you're bossy.
TEDDY (calm at first, insulted)
I am not bossy. (demanding, in his face) Don't you ever call me that again! I forbid you!
PJ
Bossy.
TEDDY
Quitter.
PJ
Oh, real mature.
TEDDY
Oh, I am more mature than you!
PJ
Oh, whatever.
Teddy gets an inflated plastic bat and starts hitting into PJ with it.
PJ
Hey!
PJ grabs up Teddy's doll and hangs it over the edge of the window.
PJ
All right! Drop the bat, or Baby Boo-Boo becomes Baby BBQ!
TEDDY
You wouldn't dare!
PJ
Try me.
PJ wobbles the doll up and down.
TEDDY
Give me the baby.
PJ
Give me the bat.
TEDDY
The baby.
PJ
The bat.
Teddy and PJ step narrowly across to each other and briskly exchange their items, careful that one doesn't escape with both. Teddy puts the doll down and as she turns around PJ starts whacking into her with the bat. She gets her own one and starts hitting into him also, and as the battle becomes more violent Teddy accidently pushes PJ out the window... he is left hanging upside down as Teddy races to look.
TEDDY
PJ!
PJ (hanging)
Pull me up! Pull me up.
Teddy starts to heave up PJ with great struggle and sighs. She stops.
TEDDY
Oh wait. Are you quitting?
PJ
What?!
TEDDY
You know, like, if I pull you back in, will you keep doing the sit in?
PJ
Since my alternative is a face-first dive into a BBQ, yes.
Teddy starts heaving again and grunts, but lets him hang again:
TEDDY
Oh, ah, one more thing. (with a cheeky expression) You have to drive me wherever I want to go for the next month.
PJ
Deal! Now pull me up, my face is burning.
TEDDY
Okay...
Teddy keeps on pulling and PJ helps himself up with the guidance of his hands. After a while, he is able to sit back up in the tree house.
PJ (looking distressed)
Thank you for saving me.
TEDDY (casually with a wave of her hand)
No problem.
PJ
Although, you wouldn't have had to save me, if you didn't push me out of the tree house!
All of a sudden, PJ grabs up the plastic bat again and starts attaching Teddy with it, cornering her down. She holds up her hands in surrender.
TEDDY
Wow, wow, wow! Wait! Stop! Truce. Truce. (PJ drops the bat) Gosh, what is wrong with us? We're going at it like seven year olds.
PJ
Mum was right. We did fight up here all the time, didn't we?
TEDDY
Yeah, and nothing's changed. We're still doing it.
PJ
Is this the way it's always gonna' be between us?
TEDDY
I hope not. I mean, I don't wanna' be sitting on the porch of our old folks home whacking each other with foam bats.
PJ (sounding annoyed)
Oh, do we have to live in the same old folks home?
TEDDY (being serious)
PJ, if we can't come together and do this one thing for Charlie, we're not gonna' be able to come together to do anything.
PJ (now serious also)
You're right. We can do this. (holding out his knuckle) For Charlie?
TEDDY
For Charlie.
Teddy clangs her knuckle fist with PJ. Looks like they've finally come to common ground. There is an awkward silence.
TEDDY
So, uh... what do you wanna' do now?
PJ
I 'dunno... (tuts) Pfft, I wish we could hurry up and save this tree house so we could get the heck out of this tree house!
***
Back in the house, Amy, Gabe and Bob are sitting down at the kitchen table for dinner. Bob points out the window as he comes and sits down.
BOB (about Teddy and PJ)
They're still up in that tree. (to Amy, as he sits) You said they'd be down by now.
AMY
Well I thought they would be.
Gabe holds up his steak which has the remains of the toy fishing rod Teddy and PJ used earlier on.
GABE
Why is there a plastic hook in my steak?
BOB
Eat around it.
AMY (cheerful)
You know, when you think about it, this is actually kind of nice. I mean, Teddy and PJ are finally working together on something. I'm proud of them.
BOB (aggravated)
Whose side are you on? Ours or the rebels? (points outside)
AMY
The Rebels? ...Okay, you realize we're not actually at war, right?
BOB
Of course I do. For that to happen, someone would have to issue a formal declaration of war. (looking back through the living room) ...Which should almost be done printing out.
AMY
Bob, they're doing exactly what we taught them to do. They're standing up for what they believe in.
BOB (mad, with a raised voice)
Well you know what?! Now we're going to teach them don't mess with daddy! (pointing upstairs) Gabe, go get your water-balloon launcher.
Gabe stands.
AMY (ordering tone)
Gabe, sit. (to Bob) Bob, you're taking this too far.
BOB
Uh, no I'm not. (to Gabe) And I gave you an order, mister! (Gabe stands again)
AMY (looking directly at Bob)
Gabe, stand down!
Bob looks disappointed at his son. Gabe moves closer to Amy.
GABE
Sorry, dad. But I'm a little more afraid of mum.
Amy looks at Bob with a victorious smile.
BOB
Fine. I'll fight this battle myself.
Amy gives him a 'look' and Bob walks out.
AMY
Gabe, sweetheart, you're not really afraid of me are you?
GABE
A little.
AMY (shrugging)
Good.
Amy takes a forkful of food into her mouth.
***
Bob comes running outside with the water balloon launchers full of water balloons. He looks up to see where the kids are in the tree house. The window is open.
BOB (shouting out)
I'm giving you one last chance to come down! (there's no answer) Okay! Ha-ha- all right. I don't like doing this. But you forced my hand.
Bob stands on one of the water balloon launchers and hauls one shooting up towards the tree house, and the force of it closes one of the windows.
BOB
Ah! (annoyed) Oh, come on. You got lucky! You got SO lucky! You know what? The next one's coming right through the window.
Suddenly, PJ and Teddy come to the window, but they're not alone. Amy, holding Charlie, along with Gabe, have joined them.
AMY (VO)
Yeah? Beat that!
All at once, the family throws a dozen water balloons down at Bob. He tries to shield himself. The family cheers.
BOB (confused)
What are you doing?
AMY (with a smile)
Fighting the power!
BOB (almost sad)
But we're the power.
AMY
The kids are right. This tree house is worth saving!
On the ground, Mrs Dabney walks through the gate and approaches Bob.
MRS DABNEY
What is going on over here?
BOB
You know, this really isn't a good time, Mrs Dabney.
MRS DABNEY
You better get a handle on that family of yours, because right now looks like they're kicking your butt.
BOB (impatient)
Would you let me deal with this? Please?
MRS DABNEY (with power)
You better. 'Cause Hercules is getting kinda' lonely. I'm thinking of getting another dog.
BOB (intimidated)
Are you threatening me?
MRS DABNEY (spiteful)
This one's gonna be female. Might even have some puppies.
Bob looks at Mrs Dabney with a really "cheesed off" face. He sighs and starts to climb the ladder up the tree house. Mrs Dabney smiles as she watches him go.
MRS DABNEY (calling after Bob)
That's right. You go get them down. Time to put on the big pants!
As Bob reaches the tree house, he leans inside and the family gets ready to throw more balloons at him.
TEDDY
Oh, he's coming up.
PJ
Get the (???) ready.
BOB
Hold your fight!
GABE (holding up a water balloon)
Careful. This could be a trick.
BOB (stepping in)
I come in peace. I come to join the resistance.
The family all cheer him in with welcome. Bob leans out the window and calls down to Mrs Dabney:
BOB
That's right, Mrs Dabney. I don't care about your dog. Oh, the big pants are on! And they're staying up here with my family!
Again, the family cheer and give each other a high five. Mrs Dabney walks back off into her house looking annoyed.
TEDDY (to Charlie, cute voice)
You're gonna' have a tree house, Charlie. For a long, long time.
PJ
Yup.
Suddenly, from beneath them, there's a snapping sound. The branch holding the tree house together is falling... Mrs Dabney, now at her porch, turns back to look. The family all stand stone still in the tree house with fear.
PJ
What was that?
TEDDY
Hey, have we ever all been up here at the same time?
Bob holds up his arm for everyone to remain calm as the tree house starts shaking and there's a big snap as it falls to the ground. Mrs Dabney watches it all happen. There's some grunts of pain as they all get to their feet, being lucky enough to all survive the fall. But Charlie is missing from Amy's baby holder...
AMY
Is everyone okay?
KIDS
Yeah...
BOB
Yeah, I think so.
There's a cry from Charlie which grabs Teddy's attention. She looks up and notices her baby sister hanging in her baby strap from a branch in the tree.
TEDDY
Oh, look!
PJ, being the closest, slowly gets her from the branch and even more slowly hands her back to Amy. They all sigh with relief when she's okay. Mrs Dabney walks back through the gate.
MRS DABNEY (looking and sounding satisfied)
Was that so hard?
Bob approaches Mrs Dabney.
BOB (calm and sounding mellow)
Yeah. Well the tree house is down, so you're going to be bringing your dog in tonight, right?
MRS DABNEY
Oh, Hercules doesn't belong to me. I was just dog-sitting for a couple of days. (the whole family, Bob in particular, look distressed) What? I'm a cat person. And an excellent negotiator. (laughs evilly)
Mrs Dabney points at Gabe and continues to laugh as he walks back into her backyard. Her laughing can still be heard over the fence. Gabe gets a balloon and is about to throw it at Mrs Dabney.
BOB
Do not throw that balloon! (gets the launcher) We're going to launch that balloon!
GABE
Oh, yeah!
TEDDY
Go, dad!
Gabe and Bob ready the launcher and shoot it right over the fence. They hear it land right on Mrs Dabney and all jump around with cheer. Bob high-fives everyone.
***
The next day, Gabe, PJ and Bob are out the back constructing a new tree house to put in. Teddy is making a video diary for Charlie.
TEDDY (into the camera, the boys constructing)
Well Charlie, dad and the boys are building you a new tree house. (walking off) So, someday you can go up there and play with Baby Boo-Boo. You know, just as soon as we find her head. (chuckles as she holds up Baby Boo Boo's body with a tennis ball stuck in where the head should be) Right now she's Baby Tennis-Ball! Yeah, whoo!! ...No, not as much fun. Oh! And I want to recommend that you make the tree house no boys allowed. Especially if that boy weighs as much as dad, because, if you do let him up there, well... good luck, Charlie.
Teddy switches the video camera off.
***
Teddy is sitting on the couch in the living room reading a magazine. Bob comes running in through the back door holding a mask.
BOB
Sssshhhh!
TEDDY
What are you doing?
BOB (standing in front of the kitchen door)
Gabe says he is more scared of mom than he is of me. So, I'm going to scare him. (puts on the mask over his face and picks up a chainsaw. Gabe walks through) Arrrrggggggghhhhhh!
Gabe doesn't even blink. He calmly waves at Bob.
GABE
Hey Dad.
Bob shrugs as Gabe goes and sits down beside Teddy. Amy walks in from the front door, still wearing her nurse dress from work.
AMY (as she enters)
Gabe, honey, did you finish your homework?
GABE (terrified, stammering)
I-I-I-I-'m on it, mom!
Gabe looks scared out of his wits as he runs off upstairs. Amy drops a magazine on the couch and walks past Bob, who has taken off his mask, with a teasing look.
AMY (smirking)
You either got it or you don't.
She walks through to the kitchen and Bob watches her go, wondering what he missed.
***
Good Luck Charlie © Walt Disney. No infringement intended through the transcription of this episode originally written by Erika Kaestle & Patrick McCarthy.
